Someone once told me that there are only two emotions: fear and love. When we act out of love, especially in relationships, things tend to go smoothly. When we’re in fear, we connect dots that don’t exist, hold grudges, get jealous, create petty arguments, and doubt our future. If that sounds familiar to you right now, you might be wondering, “Will my relationship last?”
If you’re acting out of fear with your significant other, then it might not. I don’t need to tell you this, but love isn’t easy, especially when the honeymoon phase is over. When things are good, we tend to expect the best out of our partner and ourselves. Communication is great, and so is the sex. You ask questions when you need answers, and you don’t assume the worst. You have proper boundaries, you respect each other’s privacy, and you’re grateful for the time you get to spend together.
But somehow, as relationships go on, things can change. You can get plagued with self-doubt and insecurities once all of your emotions are out on the table and your heart is on your sleeve. You’ve shown someone your true self and hope that they like who it is. But what if they don’t? Somehow, you doubt all of your actions, and you start to doubt your partner, too. Are we going to break up? Do they still like me? That’s the fear talking.
If you’re worried that your relationship might not make it or you’re currently plagued by some dating insecurities, here are some questions to ask yourself to ease your mind and give you some direction. Because sometimes, our worries are all in our heads.
1. Are You Happy?
Usually, if we are questioning our relationship, it’s because we are feeling some form of discontent. Get down to the root of your worry. What are you fearing in your relationship? Are you scared your partner doesn’t care about you anymore? Do you have a fear of commitment?
Most likely, surface worries cover up greater relationship insecurities. If your relationship is plaguing you with doubt and sadness, then it might not be the right relationship for you. However, these feelings might be an indicator of a personal issue that should be addressed, not a sign that you and your partner aren’t compatible. If you find that, at a certain stage in most of your relationships, unhappiness and insecurities arise for you, then it’s probably time to do some introspection.
2. Is Your Partner Happy?
Are you assuming your partner is unhappy? Remember, you can never know someone else’s emotions with certainty. You aren’t a mindreader, and often, in our most insecure moments, we tend to place a lot of blame on ourselves. If our significant other seems sad or frustrated, we immediately assume it’s because they aren’t in love with us anymore, not because they were stuck in traffic on the way home, they’re having issues with their family, or their job is stressing them out. It’s us! It’s always us. They want to break up, don’t they?!
Don’t take responsibility for your partner’s emotions, and also, don’t assume what their feelings are. Occasional checkins are integral to figuring out where your relationship stands, and they show your partner that you care about how they’re doing.
3. Do You Have The Same Vision For The Future?
There comes a time in all relationships where non-negotiables and deal breakers start to arise. Do you want kids, but your partner doesn’t? Are you in a long-distance relationship, and it’s finally time for one of you to make a move? In order for a relationship to be successful, you need to be on the same page about your future, or you at least need to have the future in .
If you and your partner aren’t talking about the weeks, months, and years to come with one another, then that is a red flag. Does your significant other envision you as part of their future? If they do, they’ll make to discuss it. If you’re worried that your relationship won’t make it, make sure that you are on the same page about the trajectory of where you want your relationship to go. As long as you are working toward a common goal that includes one another, it’s a good sign.
4. Do You To Make It Work?
Have you asked yet if this is the right relationship for you? Sometimes, I am so quick to try to make things work that I don’t spend the time asking myself if my relationship is something I want. Does it make me happy? Is my partner happy? Is this the right person for me, or do I just not want to be alone?
Codependence and attachment can be one hell of a drug. So if you’re worried your relationship might not make it, first ask yourself, “Do I want it to make it?”You might be surprised at the answer you actually find.
5. Have You Communicated Your Fears?
Are you talking to your significant other about the worries you have regarding your relationship, or are you just internalizing them and becoming a paranoid, stressed out monster? If you’re anything like me, then you’re probably doing the whole monster thing.
Bottling up your emotions is never a wise choice. At some point, you’re going to explode, and you’ll explode all over the people you love. If you’re worried about something in your relationship, then address it immediately, calmly, and in a loving way with your parter. You’ll be surprised at how effective a simple and straightforward conversation can actually be.
Relationships aren’t easy, and they take work. If you’re feeling fearful about your future with your partner, it’s best to get to the root of those fears by having an open and honest conversation with your significant other. Can your problems be solved? Are they fixable? Are you making them all up in your head due to fear or insecurity? I’ve definitely been known to do that for sure.
The only way to resolve worries in your relationship is by talking about them with your partner. By improving your communication skills, you might also improve the chances that your relationship will survive the long run.
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